


I Don't Want To Die

by rravii



Series: Help, I'm Alive [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, M/M, a lot of stressing over death, and there's established but minor hyungwon/wonho, and well.. death, i.m/wonho is platonic but major, joohoney bby gets mentioned too a lil, so read with caution i guess, sorry minhyuk, there's a lot of death talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:00:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6638602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rravii/pseuds/rravii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vampire!AU. Ever since Changkyun can remember, he’s been terrified of death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want To Die

**Author's Note:**

> It was weird to write this, but also kinda cool. 
> 
> I'm gonna try to turn this into a series - I've got a lot of things in mind, but we'll see how things turn out
> 
> The SHO is a vampire hunting organization in that area.

_“... officials released that the body was of a woman in her early twenties, and have confirmed it was a vampire attack. The SHO urge people to stay indoors after dark and not allow anyone in their homes to decrease the likelihood of becoming a victim of va--”_

The radio segment shuts off with a click of a button, eerie silence taking over which makes the shaky and nervous breath Changkyun lets out sound all that more louder. Slowly, he twists the key down all the way, completely shutting off the car, but doesn’t remove it yet, letting his hand fall limply into his lap instead.

The silence feels engulfing and Changkyun’s heart is beating fast, too fast. It’s thumping in his chest, so loudly that he’s sure the predator he’s come to see already knows of his presence. 

It’s ridiculous, what he’s doing. It’s insane and he should just turn on the car engine and drive off, drive away, drive into the safety he was instructed to go to. 

Ever since Changkyun can remember, he’s been terrified of death. 

The fear first took a hold of him when he was four. He doesn’t remember the situation very well, the details are quite fuzzy, but he remembers that it was a conversation about his aunt, about why she was no longer there, why they could no longer go visit her, why they had to go to a church, why mommy kept crying. 

At first, Changkyun had been more upset about not being able to visit her anymore, because she always had a box of cookies he could enjoy when he visited, and the toys she had were fun to play with, they were different from his own. But as his mother explained further, as she told him about death, questions began arising, and eventually he was told that death will always eventually claim everyone. Death will take daddy, death will take mommy, and death will take Changkyun too. 

His mother had tried to sugar-coat it, to talk to him about heaven, about how death wasn’t bad, but Changkyun had become afraid. 

He didn’t want to die. 

As he grew older, he got a better concept of death, and what it actually was. He got told of heaven and of hell. He started grasping other’s ideas of what they believed what would happen after death. 

He began fluctuating between ideas. At first he believed in heaven, and tried his best to live well so he wouldn’t be sent to hell to suffer for all of eternity. Then, he began believing in reincarnation. It messed with his mind too much, thinking that he used to be someone, and would become someone without ever knowing of this life he's currently living. After that, he started believing in a second existence on a different plain. 

Then he believed that nothing happens. 

You die and you remain dead. 

That’s it. 

And it's fucking terrifying.

Somewhere in between beliefs, he started getting a better grasp of vampires. He was told that they were bad. Evil. He vaguely remembers someone telling him that they were bad people who stole naughty children. Upon going to school, he learned about them in a more specified format, but it felt controlled and vague. 

Vampires were former humans. They were reanimated corpses that had been infected with a virus. They pray on humanity. They killed humans and drank their blood. They were humanity’s predators. They were evil. They caused harm. They burn in the sunlight and hunt in the nights. 

They live forever. 

Changkyun used to not think much of them. They were dangerous but as long as Changkyun was safely inside after dark, he’d be okay, so he made certain to always be indoors after dark. 

It wasn’t until he grew older that he started paying vampires more attention. His interest in them rose as his fear of death became stronger and more real. He kept obsessing over what would happen after he died, kept trying to imagine what would come after, but each and every time, fear would grip his heart as he’d realize that he didn’t know. He just simply didn’t know and wouldn’t know. 

Time kept ticking and he kept seeing people around him die. He saw old people as progress bars with a sliver of a red bar left and young people as processes that suddenly got an error and terminated as they disappeared from the streets and classes and their picture circulated online media, big red letters indicating that they're missing, but he knows better, they all knew better. 

He remembers vividly how one day at school, one of his classmates was absent. It was a girl who sat next to him in history classes. The air surrounding the school was heavy, and their teacher didn't teach. Instead, sullenly, he explained that the girl had died. She no longer existed. She was gone, gone, gone from life. It was selfish and it was disgusting, but all Changkyun could think was that he wasn't untouchable, he wasn't immortal, he could die too, die like she had, die like they all would.

Humans will die, they all will, eventually, but vampires won't.

Recently, his obsession with death has started affecting his life in a negative light. Before it had just been something in the back of his mind, but then the fear started to engulf him. He kept stressing that the people in his life would unexpectedly leave him, he kept worrying that he’d be the next to go. His concentration completely ceased to exist and he did so poorly in school he had to drop out. He couldn’t sleep from worry and obsession over death, over what would happen, and his appetite also lessened to a worrying extent. 

During all of this, his parents had been in denial. They kept telling him to snap out of it, to get his shit together and go back to school. When that didn’t work, they began threatening him, that they’d kick him out of their home if he didn’t become a functioning human again, if he didn’t get his life together and go to school again or get a job. They refused to pay for any kind of psychological help, stating that he didn’t need it, no matter how Changkyun asked, no matter what he tried to show them to change their minds. 

They didn’t realize that by doing so, they were dooming their child. 

They could have helped him, but left him with nowhere to go, with only one way to cope with this issue. 

Eventually, they stayed true to their words. It had just happened that night, a few hours ago. They’d told him they’d had enough and that they couldn’t house him any longer while he was like this. They gave him an hour to pack some necessities, gave him directions to a shelter where he could stay safe over the night, the keys to his shitty car they’d bought him as a birthday present, and some pocket money. 

Changkyun didn’t go to the shelter. 

They didn’t know that once they started making the threats, Changkyun started planning. He started researching and gathering information. He started preparing himself for what was about to eventually happen. It had seemed rather abstract, until tonight, until he was kicked out and involuntarily thrust into executing the plan. 

He's not sure if he's ready. 

Either way, he's already there. He's already parked outside an area that has been deemed a vampire territory. There's been said to be a coven around here somewhere. 

He’s stalled enough already. 

Reaching forward, Changkyun removes the key from the ignition, realizing that his hands are shaking. Slowly, he opens the car door, and steps out, closing it after him, and locks the car, despite not really needing to. It makes a small noise indicating that it's lock and the lights blink once, twice, and then leave him in the darkness.

None of this really matters. 

His parents refuse to help him, so he's forced to cope with his fear of death by making sure he will never die.

With shaky footsteps, he moves on ahead, into the darkness. He heads towards a playground, one that looks absolutely terrifying in this light, or, really, lack of. It’s eerie and empty, so god damn empty, and it makes chills go down his spine. He chooses to sit down on a swing, it creaks once he does so, the sound so incredibly loud it makes him want to get up and sprint away, away from the darkness and into the safety of the light. 

He doesn’t know for how long he’s sat there, but his fingers are starting to hurt from the cold and his thighs feel numb and tingly. His butt feels cold too from sitting on the swing, where he gently nudges himself back and forth slightly with the front of his foot. His mind feels empty, so empty, there's nothing but unsettling fear there. It would feel peaceful, sitting there, if he didn’t know that he was waiting for a killer. 

The fear doesn’t leave him the longer he stays there, nor does the unsettling feeling gripping his heart and throat, but it is slowly dawning upon him that he actually doesn’t have anything anymore. His parents have given up on him, he doesn’t really have any friends, he doesn’t have anything to be committed to - nothing. He has nothing. 

Theoretically, he could just do what society would deem to be the smart thing and return to his car and drive to the shelter and get into safety for the remainder of the night so that he could figure out what to do in the morning, when it’s light out and his chances of survival are far higher. 

He could do that, but why would he? The money he has isn’t enough to get the necessary help he needs - he’d just be like he was, except worse off. 

Maybe it’s naive of him to think that turning is going to change anything. Vampires can be killed after all - they just can’t die by natural causes or illnesses. 

Changkyun lets out a puff of air. It’s so cold out that it appears in front of him but eventually diffuses and disappears. This is stupid, this is horrendously stupid and he shouldn’t be doing this. He’s putting his life on the line and for what? For an ignorant thinking that the grass is greener on the other side? What is even making him think that the vampire will turn him - why would it? Why would a stone cold killer - why would a _monster_ turn him just because he asks? He can’t just bat his eyes and say ‘pretty please’, it doesn’t work that way, it’s not-

Changkyun’s train of thought comes to a screeching halt upon hearing the clinking of the chains holding up the swings, and feeling a presence next to him. 

“You’re a curious little thing.” 

The voice is silky smooth and makes chills run all over Changkyun’s body. It’s cold enough that he could argue it was something else, but he’s sure the vampire knows what the truth is. Very slowly, Changkyun turns his head, his eyes confirming that there is indeed a second person there, sitting innocently in the other swing right next to his, looking at him calmly with those piercing, almost glowing red eyes of his. 

He’s beautiful, and something about him is almost tempting. 

“You’ve been sitting here for almost an hour. Who are you waiting for, all alone here in the dark?” The vampire asks him, and Changkyun swallows thickly. 

“You.” 

The vampire seems taken aback by his response, eyebrows lifting ever so slightly. “Me?”

“A vampire.” Changkyun clarifies and bites his lip, lowering his gaze down to the ground, but makes sure to be able to see the vampire from the corner of his eyes. He feels strangely vulnerable having the vampire sit there next to him civilly - he cannot even begin to imagine what it feels like to be pushed against the wall by one, encased by it’s arms, with it’s teeth nipping at his skin, draining the life from his body. 

“Curious little thing.” The vampire repeats softly, as if though he’s muttering to himself. 

“I want to be turned.” Changkyun blurts out before he can stop himself, urgency and fear lacing his words. He’s not so sure anymore, and he thinks the vampire can tell. 

“You want to be turned.” The vampire echos, but there’s something off about his tone, like he doesn’t believe Changkyun, like he can see right through his words and see the fear engulfing him more and more with each moment that passes. 

Being in the vampire’s presence makes this seem all the more real - it’s no longer in Changkyun’s head, it’s no longer some empty desire or wish, it’s real, it’s right there in front of him, he’s asking for it to happen and it easily could. This vampire could easily kill him, he’s asking this vampire to kill him. 

It feels less like he's asking for a new life.

He’s asking for death. 

The vampire doesn’t have to do what he asks. Why would he? Why would he make Changkyun his responsibility, why would he go through all this effort to turn him when he could just kill him and drink him dry? 

He’s asking for death. He’s asking to be killed. He’s going to be killed, he’s next, he’s going to die, he’s going to die and he’s not ready, he doesn’t know what will happen, he doesn’t want to die, he’s not ready, _he’s not ready_ -

“Go home, little human. Go home and be thankful I’m not thirsty tonight.” The vampire tells him, speaking softly, completely ignoring how Changkyun is shaking like a leaf, completely ignoring how he’s at the brink of a breakdown, completely ignoring that he got himself into this position willingly. 

“I don’t have a home,” Changkyun chokes out, voice wavering and his eyes starting to water. “I don’t have a home - I don’t have anything.” 

The vampire doesn’t say anything, nor does he move, while Changkyun furiously blinks back the tears, sternly telling himself he’s not going to cry, he’s not going to cry in front of this vampire, he’s not going to look pathetic, not when he's asking for this. He can’t do anything about the shaking, but he can force the tears back, and once he does, the vampire is still there, so he speaks again.

“I don’t want to die,” He speaks, voice starting off strong, but then everything comes rushing back, every effort at keeping his tears at bay has gone to complete waste and his voice breaks, his throat clenches and his eyes well up in such force that tears instantly start pouring down his cheeks. “I-I don’t want to die - _please_.” 

“You want immortality.” The vampire states. Changkyun nods, but he’s not sure if the movement comes across due to how much he’s shaking. The tears are causing him to hiccup as he tries to get his sobbing under control, but not being capable of breathing properly is making it hard to attempt to stop himself from shaking. 

All around, he must look fucking pathetic. 

In a blink of an eye, the vampire is right there, crouched right in front of him, his face so close, and Changkyun’s breath gets caught in his throat, a new sensation of fear gripping his chest, actually making it physically ache. On an instinct, he leans back, almost falling from the swing, only managing to keep himself on it by gripping the chains just in time to stabilize himself. 

“What’s your name, little human?”

“C-Changkyun.” 

The vampire smirks, “You can call me Wonho.” 

Knowing the vampire’s name does nothing to ease his mind, not when he’s that close, that dangerously close. 

“When I was a human, I didn’t have anything either." Wonho tells him. "I didn’t schedule to meet a vampire, I ran into one, and begged him to turn me. I cried and I shook and I pleaded, and he granted me this wish. I can do that for you, too, but you have to understand that there’s no going back. You will have to abandon everything you had as a human, _everything_ , and start completely anew as a vampire. Are you willing to do this?” 

The words bring an odd combination of comfort and fear to Changkyun. He can see the fangs as Wonho speaks, the fangs he’s asking to kill him, the fangs that will bring him death. 

Changkyun can never see his parents again. He will be completely gone from their lives - he will be dead to them. He will be dead to everyone he knew, he will be marked as a missing person, never to be found. He won’t be able to see the sunlight again, he won’t be able to enjoy warm summer days, he won’t be able to eat his favorite foods or get wasted in some filthy club playing mindless music. He knew this all, but now, it seems so more real, so much heavier. 

He’s going to have to become a killer. 

“You’re not a hunter, that much I can tell, and I can’t sense anyone around either, so you’re not a bait. What happened to you, little human, to bring you here?” Wonho asks him, and there’s something about his voice, about how he says it, so filled with worry and concern that Changkyun feels a sudden urge to be held by him. It’s the vampire powers, or whatever this alluring thing they’ve got going on about them is, he knows it’s that, so he resists the urge, choosing to wrap his arms around himself instead. 

“I don’t want to die.” Changkyun tells him, voice sounding so small it makes Changkyun internally groan. This isn’t him, he’s not this weak and vulnerable - god, what has happened to him, what has this obsession with death turned him into?

The vampire reaches his hand forward and gently wipes away a tear from Changkyun’s cheek, and Changkyun actually leans into the touch before he knows what he’s doing. 

“Can you abandon everything and start anew? Can you kill and feast upon the blood of others in return for your immortality?” Wonho asks. 

Changkyun doesn’t have anything. His parents have thrown him away, they’ve gotten sick of him and have gotten themselves rid of him, the people he knows don’t care enough about him, not enough that him disappearing will only cause them distress for max five years before they forget he ever existed, he doesn’t have anyone who depends on him. He wants to live forever, he wants to have a purpose and he wants his life to have meaning and he doesn’t want to live in fear, in this constant fear he lives in now because he knows he’s mortal, he knows he’s eventually going to die-

“Yes.” Fuck it. Fuck it all. Yolo, as the kids say. Or, well, the opposite of that. 

Changkyun’s going to live twice, and for the second time, he’s going to live forever, until he stops being afraid of death, until he welcomes it as an old friend, until he wants to. 

Fuck you, life. And fuck you, fate, too. Changkyun’s in control. 

So what if he can't see the sun ever again? Instead, he can see the moon, and he can see the stars, too. He will be able to enjoy the peaceful nights. He will be able to enjoy being untouchable. He will be strong, stronger than humans, and he will live forever. 

He will never die.

He will never be afraid.

“Do you know how the procedure is done?” Wonho asks him. 

Changkyun’s heard many iterations of it, some things obviously exaggerated, others sounding vaguely like it could be the truth, but most stories agree on several things. “You must drink my blood, and I must drink yours.” He responds shakily, still trying to calm himself down.

Wonho nods once at him. “It’s going to hurt, it’s going to be a long process, and I cannot guarantee that you will awaken.”

The words hit Changkyun like a brick to the face. 

“I cannot promise that I can grant you immortality, but I can try.” 

Even if the vampire changes him, he can still die. He can still die, he can still die, he can st-

“Okay.” Changkyun chokes out.

“Okay?” The vampire asks. 

“Okay.” Changkyun confirms. 

The vampire glances around for a moment before turning his eyes upon Changkyun again. “I’m going to have to block out your vision, for safety reasons. I do not live alone and even though I do not think that you’re a hunter or some kind of bait, I cannot take many more risks.” 

Changkyun thinks for a moment before getting an idea. A stupid one, but an idea nonetheless. “I-I can turn my hoodie around and use the hood.” He says, embarrassed at his suggestion, but the vampire does not seem to care. He simply just nods, so Changkyun pulls his hands out of the sleeves and swivels the hoodie around, so that it is backwards, and pops his hands out again. 

Wonho pinches the hem of the hood with his fingers and swiftly, but at human speed, brings it up to cover Changkyun’s face, and then places it down again, a faint grin on his lips. 

“I need you to leave your phone, too. Tracking, and all that.” Wonho tells him. “Just leave it here on the ground - I’ll have your future brother come pick it up and check it to see if it’s safe to bring it back.” 

Future brother... Is he about to be born into a family? A million thoughts run through his head about this, but he keeps his mouth shut, and tries to push them out as he reaches into his pocket and grabs his phone, letting it drop gently down onto the grassy ground, where it lands with a soft thud.

He can't get wrapped up in his thoughts anymore. He has to block everything out. He's made his choice, this is happening, he's doing this.

“Ready?” Wonho asks, and Changkyun gulps again. 

This is it. No turning back now. 

Changkyun nods, and then he feels the hood being pulled over his head. The next thing he feels is arms around him, and then a very strange pressing sensation against his entire body, followed with nausea. He feels light, almost as if though he’s floating, and then he’s not. The arms leave him and he wobbles backwards, falling onto the ground below, which is far harder than the grass, and somehow much colder. 

Changkyun’s in the process of peeling the hoodie off his face, hoping that visualizing what is happening in front of him is going to help him with the sudden dizziness, when he hears a second voice speak. 

“Why is there a human in my living room?”

There’s a dim light in the room, casting an orange hue onto everything. Changkyun’s in a house, in an oddly normal living room, with a kitchen and a TV and everything he didn’t expect to find in a vampire lair. From what he can see, there are no skulls, or chains, or other objects that look like they should belong in a dungeon. It also has another vampire - taller and skinnier than Wonho. 

“This is Changkyunnie, I’m turning him.” Wonho states as a matter of fact, even giving him a nickname, one that Changkyun would grimace at if he wasn’t trying to get his vision to stop spinning. 

"Wonho-”

“He asked.” Wonho cuts him off. “He asked like I did.” 

There’s a pause, a strangely heavy pause, one that even Changkyun can feel despite his dizziness and confusion. Then, eventually, the other vampire speaks. “Have you spoken to the others?”

“No.” Wonho answers. “Could you? Just mention that I’m taking full responsibility for him, as I should, and that it’s not too far off from another Jooheon situation.”

There’s another pause, and now that Changkyun’s vision is stabilizing and he doesn’t feel as light headed, he can see that the other vampire used the pause to glance at him, not looking to thrilled about having him in his living room. Changkyun feels abnormally small - probably because he’s sitting on the floor with two vampires towering over him.

“He doesn’t seem like he’s dying to me.” The other vampire answers, a bit dryly.

“He doesn’t want to.” Wonho replies simply, but when there’s yet another pause, he’s the one to break it. “Hyungwon-”

“Fine. Just - do it in the other room.” The other vampire, Hyungwon he presumes, answers. Despite not sounding like he’s fully happy with this, Wonho beams at him, but only for a moment, because then Hyungwon is gone, as if though he evaporated into thin air. 

"Come with me." Wonho says, reaching out a hand to Changkyun, who hesitates for a moment before taking it. He's not sure why he hesitated, there's no going back for him now anymore. This is happening, this is actually happening - Wonho is leading him and Changkyun wobbles after him on shaky legs into a room he presumes to be _the room_ , where it will take place - where he will be turned. 

The room, much like the living room, is completely throwing off his former vision of vampires and how they lived. He'd always imagined them as dark and gritty creatures that lived in either filthy, bloody places, or lonely places with very few dark furniture that has dust collecting on it. This room was definitely not something he'd expected - it's relatively big and open, it's very spacious, and at first glance reminds him of a dance studio. 

As he really takes the entire area in, he realizes that it _is_ a studio. One wall is entirely made out of mirrors - mirrors Wonho actually reflects in, so strike that myth out. The area around the mirrors is open and void of furniture, safe for a sofa that is pressed against one of the walls. Further from the mirrors and closer to the door is a computer, next to it an electronic piano, and on the other side is a relatively big radio along with two speakers, and a closet. 

It's strange to see such new technology here, considering that these are old vampires who live in seclusion from the rest of society. 

Wonho leaves him to glance around the room in an awe to go grab something from the closet and returns with a blanket that he spreads out and lies down in the middle of the room. He then signals Changkyun with his hand to come, and as Changkyun takes the few steps towards him, Wonho sits down, cross-legged on the blanket, in the blink of an eye. Mimicking his moves, although at a human speed, Changkyun sits down too, hoping that if he grips his hands together tightly enough, Wonho won't notice how hard he's still shaking. 

"Hyungwon likes to dance, so we turned this spare room into a place where he could practice." Wonho says with a faint smile on his lips. 

"Is - is he my... my future brother?" Changkyun asks. It feels odd to form that question - it feels like such a silly thing to ask. 

It doesn't seem real. 

"No, he's not mine. Not in that way, at least." Wonho informs him. "We're lovers. He's my bae, or whatever you're calling it these days." 

Changkyun can't help but break out into laughter at his words. It's brief and relatively quiet due to his nervousness, but there's something funny and strangely endearing about a vampire using current popular slang, and sounding like he's actually making an effort to keep up with it. 

Wonho watches him with that faint smile on his lips that slowly fades out, until it's completely gone and he speaks again. "So, to the turning."

"There's no going back now." Changkyun says quietly, mostly to himself, but Wonho replies nonetheless. 

"No, there is not. I cannot let you leave this place as a human, which I hope you'll understand. I can't risk you pointing hunters our way." Wonho says. "For you to turn, I must drink from you a certain amount of blood, and you then must drink a certain amount of blood from me in return, to ensure the best chances of the turning to be a success." 

"Do you know how much?" Changkyun blurts out in desperation that he will come out of this alive, but clenches his lips shut in embarrassment from having cut him off and doubted him. 

Wonho doesn't seem to have minded that much. "I do. I've turned one before you and done so successfully. That, and I know of others who have turned, one of them being the maker of my lover, and the rest of our little extended family. I will drink what is needed from you, and then I will instruct you once it's your turn. It's very important that you listen to me and do exactly as I tell you, alright?"

"Yeah." Changkyun says a bit quietly, but makes up for it by nodding as well. 

"After that has taken place, you will likely feel a bit light headed and tired. That is normal. Then, as my blood begins combating yours, the symptoms will worsen, and as a result, you will feel worse. For your sake, I'd try to give in and go to sleep as quickly as you can - it will make this entire procedure that much easier for you, instead of having to fight against yourself as you get pulled closer to death's door." 

Death. 

For him to become a vampire, he must die. Death is inevitable, no matter what he does. He will die, he is about to die, it's just a matter of if he will awaken or not. 

If he will know what happens next or not. 

"And then?" Changkyun asks, mouth feeling a bit dry. 

"And then you die, and hopefully within minutes, get reborn as one of us. You will not awaken yet, but I will know if you have been given a second life or not." Wonho explains.

This is it. This is what Changkyun is choosing. He's taking fate into his own hands and he's forcing it to make him live forever, he's choosing what will happen once he dies, he's forcing it to be that he reawakens in a second, everlasting life. 

"Let me know when you're ready. It's going to be unpleasant and it's going to take a while, so the earlier we start, the better. When the sun rises, I will be forced to sleep, so I would rather have you die and be reborn before that happens." 

There's no now or never here. There's no stalling, and there's no going back either. 

It will happen now. 

Tonight he will die. 

Tonight he will embrace immortality.

"I'm ready."

Before Changkyun's even let out the last sound, he's being pressed down onto the floor, his back hitting the blanket covered ground strangely gently considering how quickly he'd been pushed down, and Wonho is hovering ever so slightly over him, his breath ghosting over Changkyun's neck. Changkyun's natural instincts kick in and he pushes against Wonho's firm chest, but the other man doesn't even budge. His hoodie gets pulled back to the left, exposing his neck and part of his shoulder, and then he can feel teeth gracing his skin before they break through and sink down into his flesh, causing Changkyun to hiss from the sharp pain. 

His hands are no longer pushing against Wonho, but have now come to grasp the front of his shirt, fisting the fabric as the vampire drinks from him. It's odd - he'd kind of expected it to feel somewhat like a juice box slowly getting smaller and smaller, but it just feels like he's being given a gentle hickey, if he ignores the pain due to the puncture wound in his neck. His breathing is becoming heavier, too, but he's not sure if it's because of the intensity of the situation, or because blood is leaving his body with each sucking he feels against his neck.

It feels almost nice, in a weird, fucked up way. 

It brings on a soothing feeling that has Changkyun's beginning to feel a bit tired when Wonho finally pulls back. His lips are partly smeared with blood, and once he dips his tongue out to trace them, he just makes a bigger mess. 

"Now it's your turn. I'm going to bite my wrist and you're going to drink from it. You have to be quick, since I heal a whole lot faster than you do. Ignore the taste, suck on my wrist and drink as much as you can until I stop you, or have to redo the wound, alright?" Wonho instructs him, and Changkyun eagerly nods at him. Wonho brings his wrist up to his mouth and bites down hard on it, blood instantly rupturing from the wound and he quickly presses it against Changkyun's mouth, who almost didn't get it open in time. 

It's not the taste that's weird - he's had his own blood in his mouth multiple times before, it's that he knows it's not _his_ blood. It feels foreign, it feels wrong, and it feels like this is something he really, _really_ shouldn't be digesting. But Wonho told him to drink, he told him to be quick, so Changkyun pushes the thoughts back and sucks at the wrist, trying to get as much blood out as he can, not minding how disgusting it feels to gulp it down, or how blood is being smeared on his mouth and trailing down his cheeks. 

"Stop." Wonho instructs after a short amount of time. He didn't really need to do so, because he pulls his wrist back before Changkyun can act on the command, and does so with ease. On instinct, Changkyun brings his sleeve up to wipe at his mouth, but halfway through doing so, forgets that it's not water, that he's just smearing blood everywhere. Nevertheless, he wipes the most he can with his sleeve and hopes Wonho won't mind that he probably looks like the kind of clown you don't want to meet in a dark alley. 

The taste in his mouth is god awful and he really wants to ask if Wonho has water or something for him to drink, but Changkyun decides against asking, in fear it might disrupt the turning. Wonho looks him over carefully a few times, then mumbles something incoherent to Changkyun, and gets up from the ground, disappearing in the blink of an eye, leaving Changkyun there alone. 

He's happy that he's already tired and somewhat light headed, because that means it's easier to block out his thoughts. It's easier to just shrug at the question ' _what the fuck did I just do?_ ' This is it. He's turning. 

Wonho returns with a wet cloth in his hands and resumes his position in lying close to Changkyun. His mouth is no longer smeared in blood, and he brings up the cloth to gently wipe at Changkyun's face. As he's doing so, Changkyun hears the door being opened, but doesn't really pay it much mind. He feels strangely safe with Wonho being there. 

"I heard I'm getting a little brother." A cheerful voice speaks, and Changkyun tilts his head into the direction of it, since Wonho's just finished with cleaning his face, and sees a strangely cute looking vampire sitting cross-legged next to the blanket he's lying on, resting his chin on the palm of his hand, his arm being propped up on his knee. 

There's a second unfamiliar vampire in the room, standing near Hyungwon, the two of them standing a few steps away from the blanket. He looks the most intimidating out of all of them, and it doesn't help that he's not smiling, nor showing any remote kind of positive expression on his face. 

"That's Kihyun, my formerly only child, and that is Hyunwoo, the only vampire in this coven that is older than me, and the other maker." Wonho explains, causing Changkyun to slowly tilt his head back to properly get a look at him. "He's Hyungwon's maker, along with two others. You'll be the seventh addition to our little family." 

"Assuming he makes it." Kihyun says - or at least, Changkyun thinks he does, he thinks the voice is coming from his left, he can't really be bothered to turn his head again to confirm it. It feels heavy. 

"Let's hope for the best." Hyunwoo says. "Is there anything you need?"

"Ah, yes, Kihyun, I told him I'd send you to get his phone. We left it at the playground for safety measures." Wonho says.

"On it," Kihyun replies, and instantly gets up from the ground, leaving in the blink of an eye. Changkyun wonders if vampires have the capability of teleporting or have just perfected effectively using smoke bombs to disappear without the smoke bombs, so, just perfected the art of disappearing, or of this is something he will understand and be able to do too once he turns. 

It's relatively silent after he leaves. Hyunwoo says something Changkyun doesn't really make sense of, but it doesn't sound like it was meant for his ears anyway, and he leaves the room too, actually walking at human speed. If he was doing it for familiarity and comfort on Changkyun's behalf, Hyungwon completely nullifies it by disappearing right after him and reappears just a few seconds later with a second blanket in one hand and two pillows stuffed under the other. 

"Are you fine with sharing me for the day?" Wonho asks and there's a hint of humor in his voice. 

"I'm fine with getting the bed all to myself while you sleep on the floor." Hyungwon replies in a similar tone. 

Changkyun feels his head being gently lifted and a pillow gets placed underneath it. Wonho then gently lowers him back down and gets a pillow for himself, too. He places it right next to Changkyun's and nudges forward so that he's closer to him. They're close enough that it would be easy to reach over and pull Wonho flush against him. It's odd, being so close and vulnerable with him, while having his lover gently place a blanket around the two, making sure to tuck Changkyun in. 

"Try to get some sleep. The sooner you do, the easier this will be." Hyungwon tells him, taking on a foreign gentle tone, although Changkyun's just known him for less than an hour now. 

Everyone keeps telling him it's going to be difficult. Changkyun doesn't feel bad - he just feels sleepy and deprived of energy, like he's had a long and physically exhausting day. He's not in pain and he's being cared for. If anything, this is peaceful. 

Hyungwon reaches over and presses a kiss to Wonho's temple. "I'll see you tomorrow." He shifts his gaze over to Changkyun. "Good luck." With those words, he leaves the room quickly, closing the door behind him, leaving the two in silence, wrapped up together on the ground. Wonho is oddly still next to him, which Changkyun realizes is just him not breathing, and he's cold, but it feels nice having him there. He feels close to him, he feels like he can trust him, he feels safe. 

It's crazy how the events of the night turned out. Changkyun could have so easily stumbled into the wrong vampire who could have devoured him on the spot and left his lifeless body on the ground. He could so easily have died, to have fallen into the unknown with no return. What he was doing now was a no return thing, too, and in a way, he was dying, but he knew what would happen afterwards. He'd be born again, he'd live again, and he'd live forever. He'd get to live without the fear of death. 

Wonho was being so kind to him. He was so gentle and caring, a surprising trait for someone Changkyun pinned down as a monster at first glance. Everything he knew about vampires had been a lie, unsurprisingly so. Wonho felt so _human_ , they all did, from the short moment he got introduced to them. They all had personalities and characteristics and none of them showed any signs of a stereotypical evil villain. They were a family, they had hobbies and lives and bonds with one another. 

Wonho had spoken to him instead of instantly killing him. He'd approached him and listened to him and heard his plea. He'd discussed it with him, he'd granted him his wish, and he'd trusted him enough to bring him into his home. He's lying with him, he's waiting with him and bringing him comfort as he's turning. He'd been so understanding when Changkyun had asked to be turned - he'd prepared an entire essay in his head with reasons and arguments as to why he should be turned, but Wonho hadn't requested to hear any of them. 

He'd understood. 

"Why did you ask to be turned?" Changkyun asks. It's silent for a few seconds until Changkyun looks up at Wonho, only to have him smile sadly back at him. 

Eventually, he answers. "I was hurt by a lot of people, as a human. Some of them hurt me very badly. I wanted a new beginning somewhere else where I couldn't be hurt like that anymore. Eventually, I got backed into a corner and had very limited options. What I chose to do to protect myself lead to me fleeing into the night, and before I even knew where I was running off to, my maker found me. It happened much like with you. I asked, he agreed, and then I was born anew. I took on a new name and had a new beginning." 

"I'm sorry." Changkyun mumbles, pulling the blanket closer around himself. He feels cold, but the blanket isn't doing much to warm him. 

"It's in the past." Wonho replies. "What about you, Changkyunnie? Why don't you have a home?"

"My parents-" Changkyun starts, but his throat clenches shut. It hurts to think about them, to know that they threw him out, threw him away, into the arms of a vampire. He's never going to see them again, and they will never find out what happened to him. They will probably try to reach him or ask around in the shelter if he appeared and after a few days call the police out of worry for him, hoping that their son is okay, and the crushing reality that they threw him into the dangerous night with no way to protect himself-

What if they don't care? What if they don't call the shelter? What if they don't call him? What if they don't call the cops, what if they never look, what if they're happier this way?

"I was a burden." Changkyun says. "They couldn't - not anymore."

"I was a burden, too." Wonho tells him. "But not anymore. You won't be a burden here. When you wake up tomorrow, you will be born anew, and you will be one of us. We'll take care of you and teach you and guide you for as long as you wish for our company. But you and I will always have a bond, because it's my blood that is going to mix with yours."

"Where's your maker?" Changkyun asks, words a little mumbled from the sleepiness that is slowly engulfing him. A chill goes through his body.

"He died about thirty years after my turning." Wonho answers. "He took his own life." 

"Why?" Changkyun asks. He's starting to sound like a little child that asks far too many questions, but Wonho doesn't seem to mind. It makes him sad to know that Wonho doesn't have a maker - he doesn't have someone to take care of him like this, to lie there with him in vulnerable moments, to bring him safety and security, to make him feel like everything's alright. 

"Because he fell in love with a human. He loved her from afar, but then she died, and he tried to turn her, but it was too late. She died despite his efforts, and then he took his own life a few days later." 

"Oh." He whispers. That's... a strange way to have a vampire go, when they're supposed to be so big and powerful and untouchable. 

Wonho nods. "Go to sleep, Changkyunnie. I'll stay here with you and see you again when the sun goes down." 

Changkyun flutters his eyes shut. He's exhausted and his body is so heavy, but he also feels off-put somehow - his heart is beating fast, he can hear it thumping in his chest, and his breathing is labored. He's so cold, too, the blanket isn't really doing much, no matter how tightly it's wrapped around him. He feels like falling asleep, it feels nice to finally close his eyes, but there's something, something about this that has his body screaming at him to stay awake. 

Why does he feel so wrong? His limbs are starting to shake ever so slightly, adding onto the physical exhaustion. He's so tired and he wants to sleep, he wants to do as Wonho told him and close his eyes and fall asleep, but it's just not right. He's not supposed to be this cold, he's not supposed to be breathing this fast, his heart isn't supposed to-

Oh. 

Oh no. 

He's dying.

"Changkyunnie?" Wonho asks gently, but Changkyun doesn't hear him. He's scared, fear is gripping him like an iron claw, clenching around his heart and twisting painfully, pressing onto his chest. He's dying. He's dying like his aunt, he's dying like his classmate, he's dying like Wonho's maker, he's dying, he's dying, _he's dying_ , as he lies next to Wonho, he's dying, he-

A finger finds it way to his chin and pulls his head so he's forced to look at Wonho. He's concerned, it shows in his eyes and how his eyebrows are furrowed and how his mouth is half hanging open. "Changkyun." He says more forcefully, and this time, Changkyun hears him. 

"I'm dying." Changkyun replies, and his face crumples, and the dam breaks and the tears stream down his cheeks and he hiccups and cries because he's scared, he's _so scared_. He's dying - it's happening, it's actually happening and he brought it on himself, he asked for it to happen, he asked and now he's dying. He's not going to wake up again, he knows he's not, he can feel it. He's so tired and weak and so fucking terrified because he's dying, he's being dragged closer and closer to the brink of death. He's not tired because he wants to sleep - he's tired because he's _dying_. "I'm dying," He repeats brokenly, sobs painfully wrecking through his body. 

"I know." Is all Wonho says. He reaches over and pulls Changkyun to his chest, who welcomes the comfort, welcomes being able to hide his broken face as he sobs, as he lives the final moments of his life as a pathetic little human. He's not turning, it's not working, he knows it's not going to work. "I know." Wonho repeats, bringing up a hand to stroke through Changkyun's hair. It would be soothing if he wasn't so terrified.

What's going to happen? He's going to die, then what? What's waiting for him? What is beyond this life, if anything?

He's not ready. He can't do this, he can't, he-

He came all this way for nothing. He threw everything away for nothing. He wanted immortality so bad, he was so scared, but this is his punishment, this is what happens because he couldn't control his greed. Wonho won't turn him, he's not going to turn, he's not going to wake up again, he's going to die, _he's going to die_.

"I don't want to die," Changkyun gasps, "I-I don't want to - I don't want to die, Wonho I- I don't want to die." 

He's shaking like a leaf and tries to stabilize himself by clinging onto Wonho but it doesn't really help. "I know." Wonho just echos, voice concerned yet knowing. Wonho knew this, he knew he would die, he told him he would die but Changkyun didn't listen, he didn't care, he just said fuck it and dove right into the deep end of the pool, forgetting that he can't swim, forgetting that he'd just drown. 

"W-Wonho, I'm dying, Wonho, I'm dying and I don't want to die, I don't- Wonho, _please_." He begs, words breaking off into a sob, but he doesn't know why, he doesn't know what he's begging for. He asked for this, he asked to be turned, he asked to die. 

"I know." Wonho repeats yet again, but this time, continues speaking. "You are dying. This is what happens when you turn. You die, but then you live again, because I gave you my blood. I drank your blood and made you consume mine because my blood needs to overtake yours. It needs to infect yours, and in the process of doing so, you will die. But then, my blood will take over, it will rise as the victor, and so will you. You will live again, but first, you must die." 

He's so tired, his eyelids feel so heavy, his body feels so heavy, he's so slow and it's difficult to move. It's painful, it hurts, it feels _so wrong_ \- it's all wrong, it's wrong because he's going to die, he's going to permanently die. His body is trying to fight back, it's doing all it can to keep Changkyun alive but it's not enough, he can't do enough, Wonho's blood is too strong and it's killing him.

"W-Wonho," Changkyun pleads brokenly. "I'm-I'm dying, I'm - I won't turn, I won't-"

"Yes you will." Wonho tells him calmly. 

Liar.

Liar, liar, liar, _liar_.

"Let my blood win, Changkyun. Let it happen. Let yourself die so you can live again." 

He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to die. 

He's so scared.

"Close your eyes, Changkyunnie. Let my blood take over."

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, _no_. 

Wonho's a liar. He's a liar and _monster_. Everything he's been told - it's all true. Vampires don't have an ounce of humanity in them - they're cruel, evil monsters that only wish to do harm, and this is how Wonho's hurting him, this is how Wonho chose to kill him, and it hurts so bad, it hurts more than anything else.

"Close your eyes." 

His eyelids are so heavy. He doesn't want to close his eyes - he doesn't want to die, oh, _fuck_ , he doesn't. 

They're so heavy, it's so hard to fight.

His vision is getting blurry. 

"I'm right here with you. I'll take care of you." 

_Liar._

His body feels so heavy - he's not going to wake up, he's not, he's not, _he's not_.

"I'll keep you safe." 

_Monster._

His vision is darkening. He's so heavy, his chest hurts so bad, it's difficult to breathe, as if though there was a weight on it. 

"Close your eyes." 

His eyes flutter shut and Changkyun lets out a sob. 

He's lost.

"Let it happen."

His body is so heavy. 

_He's so heavy_.

Wonho's won.

"It's okay." 

A sole tear leaks down from the corner of his eye and down towards the ground.

And then he feels nothing.

\--

_"... Lim Changkyun, nineteen years old, about 175 centimeters tall, He's thin and has short, brown hair. He was last seen two days ago, just before nightfall, wearing light grey jeans and a black hoodie. If anyone knows of his whereabouts or has seen to him, they are asked to please contact the police, or the SHO."_

\--

It feels nice to wake up, a similar feeling to how sometimes he'd sleep in on Saturdays and he'd wake up by himself, feeling good and content, knowing that there wasn't anything urgent waiting for him. Except now, Changkyun isn't alone, he's pressed against another body, and for some reason, he doesn't really feel like pulling away. Usually, he's not too thrilled about close physical contact, but this feels nice. He feels secure. 

He feels.

He feels, thus he's alive. 

Changkyun pushes against the body, hoisting himself up enough to be able to take in his surroundings.

He's not in the studio. He's lying on a bed, and Wonho's next to him. It's dark in the room, but he can still see. He can see pretty clearly, actually, but everything has a bit of an orange hue to it. The room he's in looks a lot like a regular bedroom - just an impersonal one. There's a bed, which he's lying on, and then there's a closet with a mirror on it, and then there's a desk and a chair, both of them completely void of any objects. That's it, there's nothing else in the room - there's not even windows. 

The room feels as unfamiliar as he does. 

On top of seeing differently, he feels differently, too. It's difficult to describe it - he can't really put his finger on what it is that feels so... _off_. It feels vaguely like when one of the websites he'd frequent would suddenly change the layout, and while it functions the same, small things here and there are in different places, and it operates just a touch differently, completely throwing him off for a short while until he'd get used to it. 

His movements feel odd. It feels like his body is trying to do things he doesn't really have a grasp on. Everything is loud, too. And Wonho - there's something there. There's something between them, and it's slightly overwhelming.

The most unsettling thing is the hunger he feels. It's not like regular hunger he's experienced, the one that makes your body tired and your stomach ache, no, this is different, this is something he feels deep within him, from everywhere. He can feel it in his arms and his head and his feet and his chest - it's aching hunger that he feels desperate to fulfill. 

"Good evening." Wonho says, causing Changkyun's eyes to shift onto him, and he can see that there's a fond smile on his face. "And welcome." 

Welcome. 

He's alive. 

He's alive, and he's different. 

"The turning was a success." Changkyun means to whisper faintly, but it sounds so loud. 

Wonho just smiles wider. "It was. Ta-dah, here's your immortality. As long as you don't act like an idiot, enjoy your forever." 

He's alive.

He didn't lose - he won, he won over fate, he won over humanity, he won over _mortality_ , he's alive, and he's going to live forever. 

He doesn't have to be afraid anymore. 

But... why hasn't this unsettling feeling left him?

"How do you feel?" Wonho asks, and there's something to the look he gives him that makes Changkyun think that he _knows_. 

"Hungry." He settles on answering instead, and Wonho laughs, like a parent would at a child who just answered something silly. 

"Of course you are. You've been out of it for two nights now, completely consumed by your bloodlust. I'd almost forgotten how hard it is to keep up with your hunger." Wonho must have caught how worried Changkyun became at the words, because before he can reply, Wonho waves his hand, as if though he's dismissing his concerns. "It's normal. Two or three nights is what it normally takes. Vague recollections of the night will come to you eventually, but it's nothing interesting, really. I just followed you around the city and helped you hunt." 

Wonho sits up in the bed as well, movement silky smooth and somehow... different. Changkyun knows what he saw, he saw the movement, but somehow has difficulties comprehending it fully. "Do you think you can wait a little before we go out hunting again? Your new family has been eager to properly meet you." 

Again, as Wonho moves to leave the bed, he completely sees how he does it, but his mind feels confused over what he just witnessed, even if his eyes fully kept up with it. This is going to be more difficult to adjust to than he'd first anticipated, but Changkyun just hopes it will happen soon. He moves to leave the bed, too, but he's quite wobbly on his feet, almost losing his balance, but then Wonho's right there next to him, helping him stabilize himself. 

"This will be your room for as long as you choose to stay with us," Wonho begins. "Which, personally, I would suggest you do for as long as you can. Safety in numbers, and all that." 

This is his new life. This is his new beginning. 

He's got all of eternity. 

He doesn't have to be afraid anymore. 

"Yeah." Changkyun says faintly, actually sounding relatively quiet this time. 

A small smile plays on his lips, and he turns to look at Wonho. 

"Yeah." 

\--

_"Changkyun? My baby? Mommy was wrong, I-I - I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We never should have pushed you away, we should have listened, we-_

_I'm sorry. Please..._

_Come home."_

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to turn this into a series. I wanted to expand what I had going on with Trembling, but there might be a thing or two off, since I planned the series long after I released it, so sorry about that. 
> 
> I don't know when I will post another part of the series, or if I even will, but hopefully everything will turn out well, because I've got quite a few things floating up there in that thing I call a brain.


End file.
